HR gave me a 30-second script to let someone go

It has been agreed with HR that next Friday afternoon I am to let one of my direct reports go.

This is the first time I have had to let someone senior go, and I am already losing sleep over it. I inherited them, and they are a long servant of the company. They are likeable, and as a person I have no issue with them at all. But senior stakeholders are not too enamoured with them, and I am simply not getting what I need from them. They have children and school fees, and I am dreading it. I want to be able to tell them why we are letting them go. I want to help them understand where they could improve, and help them into their next role.

I know it is the correct decision for all parties, but I am filled with dread and anxiety. HR are telling me to keep to the very short script they have given me. It is cold, and it will take me no more than thirty seconds to deliver. I am then supposed to leave the call so HR can go through the package, which is fine, but not the most generous.

Miss P, Texas, USA

Dear Miss P,

It is far, far worse to be on the receiving end.

Losing sleep over having to let someone go is completely normal and shows you are human. The worst executives I have ever come across enjoy these situations and openly brag about it. The best leaders deal with the situations, but it sits heavy with them. They would rather not have to do it, but it is their job, and they have to.

I have led large marketing teams and I have faced your situation many times. I still find it very unenjoyable and I lose sleep every time. I remember each very vividly to this day. I have always tried to make the effort, even fly across the world, to deliver the news myself, in person, and I try to work with HR to help the person affected to cope and get back on their feet as soon as possible.

The person you are about to let go is a human being. With a family, dependents, commitments. Mortgage. Medical bills. It doesn’t matter how old or experienced they are, being let go hurts. It’s a body blow. Someone has decided you are surplus to requirements, unwanted, or a threat to them. Your career is part of your identity, and someone has taken a shot at it.

But for you, it is your job. You state that it is the correct decision for the company and also hint that it is the right decision for the employee involved. Your job is to make the best decisions you can, for the benefit of the company. Personal feelings are somewhat irrelevant. But that doesn’t stop the best of us from caring.

You want to explain why. You want to help them see where they could improve. You want to set them up for the next role. All of it comes from a good place, and all of it belongs in a different conversation to the one on Friday.

The termination meeting has one job: deliver a clear, kind, unambiguous message and protect the person's dignity while you do it. The moment you start listing what they could have done better, three things happen. They begin to negotiate ("give me three months and I will fix it"). You start to soften, the message turns to mush, and they leave the call unsure whether they have been let go at all. And every extra sentence you add is a sentence that can be picked apart later. HR's cold thirty-second script feels brutal precisely because it is doing its job, and unfortunately you are probably best to stick to it.

I really wish that wasn’t the case.

I’ve had situations where I’ve so wanted to explain how it came to this. Especially when I genuinely liked, and cared, about them. The fact that your relationship with them after you let them go will never, ever, be the same again adds salt to the wound.

But HR’s advice, especially in the USA, is about managing risk. Again, the interests of the company. I’ve had situations where senior leaders absolutely deserved to be let go and, despite sterile, scripted exit scripts, still went straight to lawyers and invented material to ensure a higher exit package. The game influences the game on all sides.

In my opinion, you’re damned if you do and damned if you don’t.

Don’t shy away from it, don’t delegate it. Deliver it yourself. It sounds odd to say but it is a sign of respect. Say the words clearly, then stop, leave the call and let HR do their job.

Offer very little why. "The role is moving in a direction that needs a different set of strengths. I genuinely wish you all the best in your career" is honest and final. A list of failings is not closure, it is an argument waiting to happen, and it will do nothing for them in their next interview.

After exit agreements are signed, ask HR if you can reach out should you wish. Tell them you would be glad to be a reference. Offer to make introductions.

But Friday is not the day for it.

On the package: you say it is not the most generous. You still have until Friday. If you hold any capital with HR, spend it now, quietly, on the things that matter to someone with children and school fees: notice, leaving date, outplacement support, a clean and generous reference. You may not win every point, but a leader who goes into bat for the person they are letting go earns my complete respect. Do what you can for them even if you know they will never, ever talk to you again.

Practise the script out loud first. Keep a glass of water nearby. Then go home and let yourself feel terrible for a while, because that is the tax on being someone who cares. Pay it, and do not confuse it with having done something wrong.

And remember, it is far, far worse to be on the receiving end.

I hope it goes as well as it can.

Rich

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