My bosses want to buy more plastic awards. Make it stop.

Less of a question, more of a vent.

My Head of Region and Head of Business Unit are irritating me as they want us to enter the 'big' industry awards this year. Several categories across several publishers.

You know what I am going to say. 'Best Service Provider' in super niche sector in the 'North Norfolk Area' type of rubbish.

One of my team will have to write it, then we'll pay for a graphic designer or beg an agency to do it. £450+ VAT. Plus the £3k+ for a table at the awards ceremony. Plus T&E. Plus the time sink.

For a piece of plastic. That zero customers care about. For us to tell a publisher we're excellent and then sit in a dark room to hear them say it out loud. In one of the awards, its literally judged by hands up in the room on the night (funnily enough, if you buy more tables you win) and the other wrangles a group of junior volunteers to read the entries and that's it. If we 'win', my team will get pitched the case study feature. I say my team, the organiser's aren't stupid they'll pitch that at my stakeholders first.

So, my question is, how are marketers ever going to improve their commercial value to their businesses if we are facilitators of this game? If marketers all refused then maybe we'd actually get rid of this farce once and for all?

Lynn (not my real name), Norwich

Dear Lynn,

Lynn. North Norfolk Area. As a massive Alan Partridge fan, I'd like to first acknowledge that I understood those references!

You already know you're right, so I won't waste your time agreeing in eight different ways.

I actually wrote a song, of all things, about it called 'Table for Ten'.

The collective boycott isn't coming. Not because good marketers don't see it (they see it more clearly than anyone). But because poor marketers don't see it.

Some good marketers in smaller firms rely on them for the cheap PR. Some marketers play into the nonsense themselves with marketing industry awards.

And the boycott is also not coming because the awards racket doesn't actually serve customers, it serves the inside of the building.

It gives your stakeholders a good-news email. It gives a CEO a slide to show the board. It gives a team a night out that's easier to sign off than an away day. The demand is internal, and internal demand never votes itself out of existence.

There is nothing wrong with recognition. My issue with them is when the symbol replaces the substance. You see it in agency credentials that lead with trophies before outcomes, which is deeply off putting to competent CMOs. You see it in board slides where "industry recognition" fills space in between bad news stories.

When applause becomes easier to earn than results, people start optimising for the applause.

In many award circuits, the fastest way to feel like a winner is not to build something genuinely brilliant. It is to pay for a beautifully written entry, buy a table, submit in multiple categories (sometimes over multiple years), and increase your statistical odds. If you also sponsor a category as well as enter? Well, guess what…

So, being pragmatic, you can stop trying to win the argument with your Head of Region and your Head of Business Unit. You'll lose and is it really worth taking the hit for?

They don't want a debate about judging rigour. In my experience, they don't even care. They want the table and a positive email to send round. One that is very hard for any of their internal critiques to openly question.

Do this instead. Try to reduce the number of them your team has to enter and spend time and money on. Try and get them down to one if at all possible. Find the single most credible programme you can find, the one with a real panel and some semblance of scrutiny, if such a thing still exists in your category. Enter that one properly. Try and refuse the rest on cost grounds.

Awards can also give younger team members something to celebrate, which is always something I'd advocate for, especially relating to individual achievements. That moment in the spotlight can make the most talented of us work even harder and strive to hit even higher heights. If those sorts of awards come along, ah, try and help.

Also, for the one you do enter, please don't pay rate card. There are always discounts to be had. The organisers of these things know they don't add value and they know there is always room for another table. It's somewhat ironic that the only skill in 'winning' these things is completely unseen, as it's the marketers involved who manage to reduce the price whilst not harming their 'chances' of their firm being chosen as the winner.

You won't kill the farce, Lynn. One marketer can't. But you can stop being its most reliable supplier.

Rich

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