I have to fire someone who doesn’t deserve it. Am I the asshole?

On Friday, I will be flying into the US to let one of my heads of regional marketing go.

He has been with us about two years, and, on a personal level, I really like him and I think that’s why I am so troubled by what I am about to do.

Forgive the long explanation. I have changed the names to be safe.

Adam’s performance has been ‘fine’. He hasn’t set the world alight and has struggled with getting regional buy-in to his plans, but he’s been ok at getting things done and he keeps to the party line on key issues. I have about 60 people in the global marketing team and for me, this wasn’t on my list of to-dos. I could see myself having to make a change eventually, but it wasn’t an immediate priority. I have other fires.

The issue is that he has fallen out with the Head of Regional Sales, let’s call him Brad. I haven’t been able to pinpoint the exact reasons why, but a relationship that was professional and collaborative six months ago has apparently reached a point where it is beyond repair. It’s become toxic. I’m told that Brad has started a rumour of Adam having a romantic liaison with someone at an offsite that ‘smells’ of untruth and would be so out of character for Adam. And even if true, none of my business.

I was aware of the relationship deteriorating but tried to balance coaching him through it with a focus on getting the job done and ensuring the ultimate Head of Region, and ExCo member, Tony, was happy.

The problem is that Brad has a lot of history with the firm across various roles and a deep, almost family-like, relationship with Tony. Their relationship goes back decades and they have been through a lot of iterations of the company together.

Even though Tony knows what Brad is like, he has gone from supporting Adam to calling me up and saying “we need to make a change here, it cannot go on”.

And it’s hit me hard.

I do not feel Adam deserves to lose his job, yet. And I feel Brad is not squeaky clean, and playing dirty.

Adam is employed ‘at will’, which means he essentially gets no notice period. He has three kids in private school. He has expensive medical care. We pay him well but he has made it clear that he spends all that he earns, which seems to be the American way.

I tried to talk it through with Tony and my boss, the CEO. Both were like “Nope, it’s beyond repair”. So now I am in a position where I simply have no choice.

I can’t sleep at all. Adam is excited to see me, making reservations and trying to build an itinerary of social events whilst I am over.

I am flying over there to deliver a cold, 30-second, HR-written script to a guy who does not see this coming. Who sees me as a friend. And who a few months ago asked me straight whether his job was at risk, as he knew his relationship with Brad was declining and how aggressive Brad was being. And I said, honestly, no.

Am I the asshole?

Pat, London

Pat,

As someone who has had to let many people go over the years, no, I don’t think you’re an asshole.

You’re in a leadership position and that means you sometimes have to make really hard decisions. And letting people go is always the hardest of situations.

As you mature, you understand more and more the human impact of such events. The mental aspect, the emotional, the collateral damage. These are not just employees; these can be people you worked closely with. Had drinks with. Have fond memories of. Talk to about family. Who supported you. Worked hard. Delivered good things.

But for some reason, performance, redundancy or other, you find yourself having to make a call and deliver news you would really, really rather not deliver.

I have lost sleep every single time I have had to let someone go. And it’s so horrid to know you are not only losing a colleague, but that your friendship disappears too.

I have come across people who enjoy such instances and gloat. But they are (thankfully) very rare and complete and utter dicks. I trust that karma gets them in the end.

You are clearly not in that category. You are human.

But the decision is made. The Head of Region has been, rightly or wrongly, convinced that the time has come. The CEO has agreed. It is a large part of Adam's role to have a good rapport with his Head of Region. As the leader of a global marketing function, you need to fight the fights you can win, and you cannot win this one. You need to maintain the Head of Region’s support. By dealing with this unpleasant situation, you strengthen your relationship with him, and the standing of the marketing function as a whole. 60 jobs, remember.

My focus would be on getting Adam the best exit package possible. Engage with HR, and tell them as much. If there is pushback, engage with the Head of Region and say, “This is the right thing to do”. Aim to be generous. A few extra months. Extended health cover. It’s all exceptional items. Don’t allow any of this ‘at will’ nonsense. Pre-prepare the reference so that Adam knows you put effort into it.

And deliver the news yourself and ensure HR look after him and treat him with respect. It is a horrible part of your job (the absolute worst) but it is a sign of respect that you are flying over to deliver it. Don’t get me wrong, Adam will not care, but it is the right thing to do.

Whilst you are in town, meet up with Tony. Discuss the Brad issues and that they can’t happen again with the new Head of Regional Marketing.

Remember, however hard it is for you to deliver this news, it is infinitely harder for Adam. He has to go home to tell his family. He will worry about finding his next role quickly enough. His pride will be hurt.

It’s much, much worse for him. You’re only the asshole if you make it about you.

Rich